So yesterday I went to the DMV to renew my driver's licence. It was my birthday, the last possible day to renew. On the other hand, when I booked the appointment months ago, it was the first slot they had.
My eyesight has been getting worse for a few months now and I was worried about about the distance vision eye test they give you, so that kind of overshadowed the birthday thing. In a completely unconnected way, I've also been eating low-carb for a few months. Every now and again a chip or a fry or a spoonful of rice, but not much and absolutely no sugar. Also equally unrelatedly, I discovered eye-glass lanyards a couple of months ago, so I wear my reading glasses all the time - around my neck on the lanyard.
I went to the DMV and got sent to the window immediately. Score! Then she asked me to read the eye chart. I panicked and said I couldn't. She was patient and eventually I read the lines first with both eyes and then with each eye separately. (When you wear reading glasses, they compensate for whatever the eye rotation inward is called. When you take them off, your eyes have to remember to rotate separately to focus on a distant object. So a few seconds preparation makes a big difference to what you can see with a single eye.) It was a bit difficult with the left eye though - she made me read two different lines in case I had memorized the first one. Which in fact I had, in fact. CA eye charts are easy to memorize. They are the same five letters over and over in different orders. You know if you've used up the "p" the one that looks similar later is the "f".
She asked me if I normally wore glasses and I said I didn't. She looked at them, bouncing on my chest. We got over that difficulty, and she gave me a bit of paper to tide me over the couple of weeks with an expired licence until the new one arrives.
I was so relieved I felt like celebrating so I went to Vons and bought a GIGANTIC piece of carrot and coconut cake with about two inches of sugar-cream-cheese frosting.
I got home, drank a tumblerful of vodka, poured cream over the cake slice and ate it. It was the sweetest, most carrotty and coconutty cake ever and the cream cheese frosting was so rich it was almost 100% cheese AND 100% white sugar.
About six hours later - so after midnight and technically not on my birthday - I woke up and realized Mr. Cake was not appreciated by my stomach. I ran to the bathroom and I swear when I saw it again, it was more or less whole. The crumb structure was intact. The frosting was intact. If I had a fork and the inclination I could have reassembled it, complete with cream cheese frosting on top. Nothing, not even the sugar, was missing.
This probably means I should stay on a low carb diet, right?
However, my eyesight is better today, which means that when the eye doctor told me my eyesight would be best after a good night's sleep of at least 9 hours, what he actually meant was my eyesight would improve no end after I got up at three in the morning to take a call on the porcelain telephone and spent the next three hours re-hydrating.