I went to the supermarket after work today*, as one does, and inside the store a smiling Greasoid with a Beautiful Female Assistant stopped me and said, "I'd like to give you ten dollars!"
I was suspicious but took the store card he shoved into my hands while twinkling brightly. He then started into his pitch - he hadn't previously disclosed that there was an upcoming pitch - which was to sell me the Sunday Orange County edition of the Los Angeles Sunday Times.
I told him I already got the Sunday edition. (I get four days of the Los Angeles Times in print.)
"Do I need to give the card back?" I asked, twinkling myself, lightheartedly, in an "Oh, You!" way, little suspecting.
"Oh, sorry, oh so sorry, " he and his Beautiful Female Assistant both said, shaking their heads.
I walked off.
"Hey!" he screamed after me. "I DO need the card back!"
I handed it back while they both muttered "So sorry, so sorry," under their breaths.
Next time, Los Angeles fucking Times, if your shills hand me plastic worth ten bucks without disclosing the strings, then attempt to detain me and eventually demand the return of the card, I'll call the goddamn police. Be honest, you complete bastards.
*Vons, in San Juan Capistrano, 06/21/2011, if that helps LA Times to find the perpetrators and deal with them.