Three endings to story still named My Last Breath
Unused drafts. Never published. For explanation see https://peromyscus.blogspot.com/2023/05/writing-and-publishing-sf-short-story.html
The ground crew crawled the ship away. With what pain and
difficulty, I don’t recall, but I made it out of the perimeter fence. Looking
back, I saw my savior ship was badged the Ancient Mariner.
I didn’t get much further. Breath is no use when your
heart’s failing from shock, and I was bleeding profusely. I shouted for help. There
must be someone selling hamburgers to the ground crew. But there was
no-one, and I dropped into a wet ditch of coal black mine tailings and couldn’t
think of a way out. Later I couldn’t find the motivation to try. Heavy darkness
flowed over me, like a Devadip’s wings.
*
The priest was staring at me. I looked at him in confusion. I
was outside the bar. His eyes were fixed on mine. His silver breastplate
flashed on his sternum.
“Tomey,” he said, “you came back the long way round.”
I searched his face for further information. In his breastplate
I could see an image reflected; an infinite thread reaching into the sky.
Memories flitted through my mind. A knife fight. “I remember
you,” I said. “You said I’d make the wrong choice.”
I walked away, flashing the Kuru woman’s credit chip at the
arched doorway to the Salon. The party was in full swing, and tomorrow was
another day. In the ‘fresher mirror I saw myself. My hair was as green as a
cabbage patch and my face was a healthy lime. I splashed the ancient rock water
of New Pennsylvania on my face and stared at my reflection. I wasn’t yellow
anymore. Kids wouldn’t follow me in the streets calling me a runaway. And with
the Kuru’s gerner chip, I could buy good lights and stay healthy. Pay the Post
store debt.
I thought about the upline and shuddered.
I walked into the bar and a beautiful woman sitting at the
bar looked over her shoulder at me and smiled. She had ten black eyes and horns
curved back over her skull like the golden mean.
End
When the upcoming ship started to show a disc I prepared for the
transfer. The wound was stable, I hoped. My grip was as strong as it had been
in the mine. I stepped over to the half-speed line, holding on like a circus performer,
and as the top of the upbound ship became an unmissably large platform, I
jumped for it.
And missed.
For a frantic moment, I scrabbled at the smooth bow of the ship, lost
all remaining traction, and began to fall. The tidal forces of centripetal and
gravity combined to leave me completely disoriented. I had no idea which way to
twist, but the decision was taken from me as a large life-support duct came up
under me and smacked me hard on the ass, wedging my legs between itself and the
ship’s hull. It took five minutes for the pain to die down, and for me to
gather my wits, find handholds and start to traverse across the hull. After a
dizzying few minutes of bad light, freezing temperatures and poor oxygen, I
found an emergency airlock switch, hit it and waited for what seemed like hours
for it to depressurize and open the door.
*
I sneaked inside and hid like the fugitive I was—for the thirteen
minutes it took for the first ultrasonic cleaners I found to get the blood and
oil off my clothes. Then I dressed in my crisp white shirt and black pants, shined
leather boots and supple jacket, swept my green needles back from my eyes, and
walked like a free man into the ship’s bar.
I showed my chip to the barman, and asked for a potato vodka. He scanned
the chip and his eyes widened in surprise. “There’s quite a lot of value here,
sir. It should be deposited with the purser for safekeeping.”
“Sure.” In my mind’s eye I saw my priest wag his finger. “Wait,
no, how much? I want to transfer some to my tab back down the well.” I gave him
my account number at South-East Five Mine.
He made the transfer. “That puts your credit below our statutory
maximum. Ah, but you can still leave the balance with the purser, if you wish
to do so.”
I felt sixteen tonnes raise from my shoulders. I declined the
purser’s offer and took my drink to a table near a porthole.
There was a Kuru woman sitting at the bar. She smiled at me. I
didn’t smile back.
End
The ground crew crawled the ship away. With what pain and
difficulty, I don’t recall, but I made it out of the perimeter fence. Looking
back, I saw my savior ship was badged the Ancient Mariner.
I didn’t get much further. Breath is no use when your
heart’s failing from shock, and I was bleeding profusely. I shouted for help. There
must be someone selling hamburgers to the ground crew. But there was
no-one, and I dropped into a wet ditch of coal black mine tailings and couldn’t
think of a way out. Later I couldn’t find the motivation to try. Heavy darkness
flowed over me, like a Devadip’s wings.
*
The priest was staring at me. I looked at him in confusion. I
was outside the bar. His eyes were fixed on mine. His silver breastplate
flashed on his sternum.
“Tomey,” he said, “you came back the long way round.”
I searched his face for further information. In his breastplate
I could see an image reflected; an infinite thread reaching into the sky.
Memories flitted through my mind. A knife fight. “I remember
you,” I said. “You said I’d make the wrong choice.”
I walked away, flashing the Kuru woman’s credit chip at the
arched doorway to the Salon. The party was in full swing, and tomorrow was
another day. In the ‘fresher mirror I saw myself. My hair was as green as a
cabbage patch and my face was a healthy lime. I splashed the ancient rock water
of New Pennsylvania on my face and stared at my reflection. I wasn’t yellow
anymore. Kids wouldn’t follow me in the streets calling me a runaway. And with
the Kuru’s gerner chip, I could buy good lights and stay healthy. Pay the Post
store debt.
I thought about the upline and shuddered.
I walked into the bar and a beautiful woman sitting at the
bar looked over her shoulder at me and smiled. She had ten black eyes and horns
curved back over her skull like the golden mean.
End
Yellow skin at the start
Meets the retor priest no pectoral or guilt
Makes up mind to leave
Fights, does not kill
Bathroom, dies
Kuru gives token
Ground
Devadip
Up
Devadip admits/realizes problem
Fights devadip
DD gives token back, jumps
Shuts airlock
Will devil leave him alone?
No, he has to leave ship
He climbs out
Last breath collected
Jumps to platform
3 days and nights
Catches upline train
Swings aboard
Meets passengers/real Kuru
Pays off debt, but is poor
Advantages
Uses devil’s money for good
Not circular, he has changed and his life has changed
Growth literally gets somewhere literally
Disadvantage – first and last paragraphs don’t match
Yellow skin at the start
Meets the retor priest no pectoral/guilt
Makes up mind to leave
Fight does not kill
Bathroom, dies
Kuru gives token
Ground
Devadip
Up
Devadip admits/realizes problem
Fights devadip
DD gives token back, jumps
Shuts airlock
Will devil leave him alone?
No, he has to leave ship
He climbs out
Last breath collected
Jumps to platform
3 days and nights
Comes down on new ship
Pays off debts
Priest forgives him
Advantages: yellow at start, green at end
First paragraph matches last
Uses devil’s money for good
Disadvantages: he’s still in a slave society and has
got nowhere in spatial terms.
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