Have you ever received a letter from the clap clinic? No, neither have I. That's because my father gave me great sex advice when I was growing up and I've followed it to the letter.  But if I had gotten such a letter, I suspect that somewhere in it, it would say something like, "You may have been exposed to a communicable disease. Please take this letter to your doctor or call us at . . . ".
Last week my computer got infected with something nasty. Windows Live OneCare didn't spot it being downloaded or find it on a routine sweep, but apparently it was serious enough for my Internet Provider to quarantine my computer by chucking it off the internet. My service provider's equivalent of the clap clinic letter (the only page my computer could reach by browser) said: "Welcome to xxx cable. This page tells you how to set up your new modem, or if you are a returning customer, how to set up your modem again." This failed to let me know that there was an actual problem on my computer. Consequently, I assumed the modem had failed and did nothing about it, except traipse files to everybody's computer using a USB stick for a week.
After approximately 13 hours on the phone with tech services, I was appraised of the real issue. We installed Webroot Spy Sweeper, it found the problem and kicked it off ye olde computer. The internet service provider magnanimously let me back on the net. And all the computers I've checked subsequently didn't catch anything from the USB stick. Only seven days later and I'm back online again and all smiles.
 He said, "Lyle, promise me you'll always give a false name and telephone number to your sexual contacts."