Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Squirrelly Friends

I went round a friend's house for a social visit yesterday - and to watch American Idol, which is apparently unmissable. (It seemed to be a repeat; or at least it was identical to the last one I watched, about three years ago.) As we were snacking on kiwi fruit, walnuts and green almonds, she filled me in on her diet secrets.

"I have a light breakfast of oatmeal and berries. If I feel hungry during the morning, I snack on fruit. For lunch I have a little fish – sometimes not even that – and berries. In the evening I usually just eat nuts. And berries."

Is this a Southern California thing? Or is she some sort of woodland creature? An elf, perhaps? Oh noes – is she a giant anthropoid squirrel?

One of my other friends has a Personal Trainer, who has instructed her to eat so much protein, she can't actually manage to stuff it all in. (I gave her tips on how to make egg protein powder shakes.) Both of them seem quite healthy, so I guess this is a testament to the adaptability of the human body. They've both survived the Atkins diet, which was thoroughly odd in itself, and I'm sure we've all tried a Susan Powter-style "Fat makes you fat" diet fad, which always had a tendency to turn into the "Eat 2000 calories of Snackwell's cookies every day because they're fat free so what harm can they do?" diet. One of my friends long ago was on something called the "F Factor" diet. I asked him what it was and he said, "The F is for 'fart'."

Perhaps I'll make a fortune with my own fabulous new food philosophy. It can't be that difficult. Research some foods no one around here has tried before, dream up a justification for why it's the Diet Man Was Always Meant To Eat, write a book and rake in the cabbage, so to speak. Lessee, are there any unusual diets unplundered that I can claim for my own? *Flips through Wikipedia* Inuit diets might be very saleable. No, seals are quite hard to catch in Southern California and are probably protected or something. Wait – I know. I can write a book extolling The Masai Diet – with healthy quantities of fresh blood and milk. That should go well. Unusual, to say the least, but must have something going for it, given how tall Masai get. And you can certainly get lots of cattle around here.

(I quite liked the green almonds. Hurry, if you want to try them. They're only in season for another week.)

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