Great Ape-spectations

A few days ago,  we had a post about a monkey - actually, a chimp is an ape - who asked some humans a question in fluent human sign language, and went away disappointed.

Today, we have a chimp - actually a bonobo, which is a different species to a chimp, but still an ape - who, having learned from his human friends how to make stone tools, now makes and uses them to get food.  The article, in the Daily Mail (of course) Kanzi the bonobo chimp learns to create tools by himself - repeating humanity's first steps towards civilisation does what it says on the tin. On New Scientist's page, there's a video, also.



Of course, nobody told Kanzi that the human had used his considerable tool-making skills not only to teach the bonobobo "genius" to make tools, but more importantly, to hide the food so thoroughly that Kanzi would have difficulty getting to it. Had he known, their friendship might have been impacted.

As always, a large part of the charm of anything to do with monkeys, evolution, climate change,  or science in general is watching the commenters get riled up about everything.  Daily Mail readers rose to the challenge.

Frances says,

As I drive in my car down the road and I look at all the amazing things Humans have created and built, I can't believe that your still pushing this myth that in a few thousand years chimps will be able to do the same thing. Like the chimp himself, I am a creation of God.

Actually, Frances, you're in luck, as starting now, nobody will push the myth that in a few thousand years chimps will be like humans. In fact, no one has ever pushed that myth, unless you count the Planet of the Apes movies, of course, but I think they were allegory rather than myth (or science).

Anon writes, and I quote him, her or it in full as you wouldn't believe I'd quoted fairly if I selected part of it.

Why are we always fed this tosh about evolving from chimps. I don't know, i don't believe it. I was reading up on the Annunaki, now, they were here many, many years ago. What people are saying, is that they, effectively, created us, shaping us to be more intelligent. That were were originally made to be slaves. Now this challenges religion and Darwin's theory HOWEVER, there is proof out there, on the carvings, writing, documentation. Apparently we've been lied to. They can tell us a load of lies and we wouldn't think any differently, we'd assume its the truth and we have just taken it as it is. I felt the need to write this and i'm sure i'll be thumbed down but i can guarantee the ones who wont listen are either religious or ignorant. When you know this, it's like you become detached from other people, i see most people as, basically, stupid because you're all so blinded, just wish more people would research this.Unlikely though.

Well, once again the commenter is in luck, as no one is saying we've evolved from chimps. That's like saying you're descended from your cousin. It doesn't happen. Not because animals have those Magic Vaginas that have been in the news recently where "the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down" but because of the sheer technicality that you can't descend from things that didn't give birth to your ancestors.   But in the same way you and your cousin are descended from your grandparents, all the apes, including chimps (especially bonobos) and humans are descended from a common ancestor.

Now if that were the only problematic statement in Anon's post, we'd be home dry.  First I have to figure out who "they" are who are telling us a load of lies.

Fed Up With This gets down to brass tacks.

What a conclusion to reach. If we came from chimps there would be none left. He is just copying like a child and they do make primitive tools in the wild anyway. It just proves a common designer NOT that we come from chimps, although looking around Britain today it is almost believable ;-)

Isn't it weird the common designer grouped most of the similar things in animals and plants in exactly the order you'd get if similar animals were descended from a common ancestor? Humans can knap stone tools and so can (when pushed) the similar looking bonobo, and yet neither has a poisonous sting (like bees and wasps) nor are either of them hermaphroditic and can fire packets of sperm under each other's skin like many molluscs. Just once, you'd expect the common designer to say, "Fuck this for a game of soldiers, it'd really help if this plant had legs, so shazam you've gottem," or "All my bears look basically the same. You can hardly fit a knife blade between the polar bear, brown bear, kodiak bear and panda bear. I think I'll give the grizzly bear eight starfish arms. Then it could catch clams more easily," or "I feel an absolute compunction to use a mammal-style backbone on a whale for reasons that are unclear to me. Bah, using the mammal backbone means the tail isn't going to move from side to side like a fish! Yikes! Good goddamn, it looks like some of them are going to have to keep their hind legs as well. I'll just make the pelvic girdle as small as creatorly possible and hope those humans don't notice or they'll be all over it with their descent-with-modifications bollocks."

It's also weird that the common designer made us from dirt and yet there's still dirt. You can't explain that.